And so it begins...

For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with my body image and with my weight. When I was in elementary school, junior high and high school, this struggle was without merit; I was in great shape and not even slightly overweight.

When I was in college...well, I got fat. I gained the standard freshman 15, and then managed to continue gaining weight for the next four years. By the end of my senior year, I was fatting out of my size 14 pants and realized that unless I wanted to go into the workforce with a wardrobe from Lane Bryant, I needed to get it together. And so, the summer following my senior year, I went on an insane diet and dropped about 30 pounds. I moved to The Big City as a comfortable size 10 and felt decent for a while.

I'm not sure when the weight creeped back on, but I know how it happened; much like a lot of the population, I ate too much and didn't exercise enough. And when I tried to diet, my mental health...well, it wasn't good. The focus on being healthy somehow made me feel worse about my weight and physical appearance than ever before, so I kept giving up -- justifying it by saying that I'd rather be overweight and mentally healthy than skinny and miserable. I am now fairly certain that this not a "one or the other" choice.

The other day, I saw some photos of myself on Facebook, posted by an old friend. They featured me in a two-piece bathing suit, and I didn't like what I saw. I've been trying to convince myself that my current size 12-14 (depending on brand) is just fine with me -- but the truth is that it's not. And further, the truth is that I weigh entirely too much and need to get healthier.

I'm hoping this blog will keep me honest. I started Weight Watchers today, at 5'8", 215 pounds and vascillating between a US size 12 and 14. My goal is to weigh 150 (and my god, I can't believe I have 65 pounds to lose!) by this time next year.

Wish me luck.